Today i return to a blank page asking myself what is it that makes it so hard to pour my heart out,what is it that makes me keep going round and round the same road in life.....just for the sake of being safe,feeling safe,taking no new chances,wanting nothing more out of each day....COMPLACENCY  oh yes thats the word and i know how scared i used to be of the day when i l fall in this trap.Thats the beauty of life,it acts over you in such a cunning way that u do not even realise and u r like everyone else running pillar to post to attain things,aspire for positions which were never really in the original blueprint that u made for ur life.And the funniest part is the deeper u are caught in this trap the harder it becomes for u to use ur own head and work your way out of it.Every now and then u can sit on a cup of coffee and crave for the beautiful little things that were part of ur plan like raising pets,painting and planting a garden...those are just a few of mine!

And then ur phone will ring and you will be pulled back without warning into ur crude,rude and "to the point" world.....ur thoughts will be left lying in the few drops of coffee u l need to leave back on ur table, to answer this world's demand from you....n all this to reach places u originally never wanted to go, to aquire positions you never meant to hold.

  "The first duty in life is to be as artificial as possible. What the second duty is no one has as yet discovered."

                                               - thats what Oscar Wilde wrote and now i know what it means.

To Live......

To have lived is to smell every flower that u came across,

to have lived is to have smiled back at every little child staring at u,

to have lived is to have cried whole night on ur loss and yet getting up in the morning with hope,

to have lived is to have loved and lost and bled in pain,

nothing eventually remains,no success,no failure,no youth,no associations,

"experiences"....are all that we'l carry back in our souls on our voyage back.
                                        - shabda.

STOP FEARING AND START LIVING

We were not sent on this earth to live a life filled with fear....but then when i begin to imagine how we have been turned into these creatures who are so fearful of trying anything new.......looking any further beyond prejudices.....so much so that we are fearful of even trying to be just ourselves.
The seed of all this fear i believe  is sown long back in our preschool and early schooling years.....when we are asked to sit properly,eat properly,walk in files.....turning the little monsters we were into dead robots we are now......filling our hearts with extreme sense of fear and guilt if we do IT WRONG.....and the irony is no one talks about the IT we are  here to do....
 The concept of RIGHT and WRONG,even the most accomplished of the scholars are searching the true definitions of these words.Then how so recklessly,we fill these thoughts in the young minds that not walking in files is wrong or spilling while eating is wrong.......or something like staying like a dead creature keeping pin drop silence is right.Are anyone of us confirmed that is the way it is meant to be.
So the end result is we...the grown ups.......who are always anxious...because we are always trying to be RIGHT,the right we ourselves are not clear of.And then there's all the moral policing....the fatwas n what not,all this because everyone wants to prove his prejudice to be the absolute truth.The need rather is to just BE......leave away the lust to be RIGHT,break through the walls of this illusion......and just to live....
     

Kya paya hai zindagi ko fakkad ki tarah ji ke…..

 Ek ehsas sa hi hai kaha nahin ja sakta.

wo us mod par jahan sab kehte the ruk jao….par hum na ruke;

sab kehte the jukh jao……aur hum na jhuke.

Aur  jo aandhiya aayi aur sir ki chat tak uda le gayi,

Fir Kya paya  bin thaur thikane ke….panchi ki tarah udke…

Ek ehsas hi hai kaha nahin ja sakta.

JO BHI HO….. EHSAS YE…. MEETHA HAI, GAON KE GUD SA…….

AUR KHATTA HAI…..bachpan mein  CHURAYI IMLIYO KA SA…..

Main sochti hu kya paati hu,apni hi marzi se jikar…..

Paati hu shayad haawa hone ka ehsas,jo gili bhi hai pehli barish si ,kathor bhi aandhi si,

Madhosh phoolon ki mehek bhi hai,

Aur HAWAN  ki…..shant, gehri vandana si ……ESHWAR ko arpit bhi..