THIS SNOW

To each it snows,only it means so much less or so much more...

Of doubt it snows;of "loneliness" even  in a crowd,
all over upon u it grows..
The chill in the wind cuts deep through;
the silence all defening,
You desire a loud scream but never will you try though,
And then this snow will grow upon u like AGE ,
shrouding u , numbing u  all till  forever  with no escape..

Of passion it snows,of candlelit dinners;
of romantic talks,so much upon u it grows,
it  brings emotions that u burry deep through,
the music all reverberating; u desire a passionate long kiss
but never will u try though...
this snow will grow upon u like a rose bed,caressing u ,living deep inside 
to send u into giggles now n then.

TO EACH his snow "pain" or "passion";
THIS SNOW reflects all thats ur perspective 
all thats ur reason.

Today i return to a blank page asking myself what is it that makes it so hard to pour my heart out,what is it that makes me keep going round and round the same road in life.....just for the sake of being safe,feeling safe,taking no new chances,wanting nothing more out of each day....COMPLACENCY  oh yes thats the word and i know how scared i used to be of the day when i l fall in this trap.Thats the beauty of life,it acts over you in such a cunning way that u do not even realise and u r like everyone else running pillar to post to attain things,aspire for positions which were never really in the original blueprint that u made for ur life.And the funniest part is the deeper u are caught in this trap the harder it becomes for u to use ur own head and work your way out of it.Every now and then u can sit on a cup of coffee and crave for the beautiful little things that were part of ur plan like raising pets,painting and planting a garden...those are just a few of mine!

And then ur phone will ring and you will be pulled back without warning into ur crude,rude and "to the point" world.....ur thoughts will be left lying in the few drops of coffee u l need to leave back on ur table, to answer this world's demand from you....n all this to reach places u originally never wanted to go, to aquire positions you never meant to hold.

  "The first duty in life is to be as artificial as possible. What the second duty is no one has as yet discovered."

                                               - thats what Oscar Wilde wrote and now i know what it means.

To Live......

To have lived is to smell every flower that u came across,

to have lived is to have smiled back at every little child staring at u,

to have lived is to have cried whole night on ur loss and yet getting up in the morning with hope,

to have lived is to have loved and lost and bled in pain,

nothing eventually remains,no success,no failure,no youth,no associations,

"experiences"....are all that we'l carry back in our souls on our voyage back.
                                        - shabda.

STOP FEARING AND START LIVING

We were not sent on this earth to live a life filled with fear....but then when i begin to imagine how we have been turned into these creatures who are so fearful of trying anything new.......looking any further beyond prejudices.....so much so that we are fearful of even trying to be just ourselves.
The seed of all this fear i believe  is sown long back in our preschool and early schooling years.....when we are asked to sit properly,eat properly,walk in files.....turning the little monsters we were into dead robots we are now......filling our hearts with extreme sense of fear and guilt if we do IT WRONG.....and the irony is no one talks about the IT we are  here to do....
 The concept of RIGHT and WRONG,even the most accomplished of the scholars are searching the true definitions of these words.Then how so recklessly,we fill these thoughts in the young minds that not walking in files is wrong or spilling while eating is wrong.......or something like staying like a dead creature keeping pin drop silence is right.Are anyone of us confirmed that is the way it is meant to be.
So the end result is we...the grown ups.......who are always anxious...because we are always trying to be RIGHT,the right we ourselves are not clear of.And then there's all the moral policing....the fatwas n what not,all this because everyone wants to prove his prejudice to be the absolute truth.The need rather is to just BE......leave away the lust to be RIGHT,break through the walls of this illusion......and just to live....
     

Kya paya hai zindagi ko fakkad ki tarah ji ke…..

 Ek ehsas sa hi hai kaha nahin ja sakta.

wo us mod par jahan sab kehte the ruk jao….par hum na ruke;

sab kehte the jukh jao……aur hum na jhuke.

Aur  jo aandhiya aayi aur sir ki chat tak uda le gayi,

Fir Kya paya  bin thaur thikane ke….panchi ki tarah udke…

Ek ehsas hi hai kaha nahin ja sakta.

JO BHI HO….. EHSAS YE…. MEETHA HAI, GAON KE GUD SA…….

AUR KHATTA HAI…..bachpan mein  CHURAYI IMLIYO KA SA…..

Main sochti hu kya paati hu,apni hi marzi se jikar…..

Paati hu shayad haawa hone ka ehsas,jo gili bhi hai pehli barish si ,kathor bhi aandhi si,

Madhosh phoolon ki mehek bhi hai,

Aur HAWAN  ki…..shant, gehri vandana si ……ESHWAR ko arpit bhi..

                                                      ME

IF THE JOURNEY IS ABOUT DISCOVERNG ME then the path is sometimes too difficult to trail…..

If I see the complete design of the universe,my existence becomes so small,my ego just so ignorable.

   

Have I been defeated already,or still there r chances of win…….

Everyday seems a mistake all so many times I hav been rubbished n mocked

My definitions in life r oh yes quite quirky but…

After with all dats gone by, who sees any silver lining in the clouds still.

If the journey is about me discovering myself,the path becomes so difficult to trail sometimes…

They say I hav been my own enemy, yes I m my best critic I believe

My deficiencies make me so much of myself,how can I part from all that and be

If I make the criterion and  if  I m the judge ….

Then with the endurance earned and a graceful smile I give myself accolades still.

And then if the journey is all about me…….the path will remain as much difficult to trail..

The design is right and our existences just spread in a small time, I will let myself be…the best I can be…..

                                                                                              

                                                                            -shabda

i suspect the design....

EVERY CALLING IS GREAT IF GREATLY PURSUED......

     read this statement somewhere when i was some 10 years old.Since then it has stuck in my head.....what is my calling???? thats a question i keep asking myself....sometimes reaching very close to an answer but then there is another searching in my soul and my perspective change,so does the purpose of my life as i define it.If u try and ask urself, Are u doin justice to ur presence on this earth??  There is never any answer because that we will come to know at only the end of the whole game.

               What is one sure shot way that can keep ur heart out of distress,abt the whole purpose thing.One simple random act that u can do each day and say fine now my today's job is done.....

Oft i hav regretted my decisions at the end of the whole drama when i have realised that there was some desire or some greed or some person who took me all the way on the wrong path and pulled me far off from my calling....n by the time i have come to know,i have now miles to walk to reach the destination where that desire or greed first came n then restart my journey all over again.Has the whole design of life been made so COMPLEX on purpose.So that we keep moving round and round in circles.....

Sometimes it makes me wonder,why m i supposed to go through certain situations in life when to my lousy brain they just seem pointless......n not adding anything towards my journey in life.Seems like a devine plan to put such statements into the head of wandering souls like me....So till i understand my real calling........my calling is to suspect the design and try to find the purpose of it.....n how its adding to my progress in the journey called life.